Viewing Mental Illness

 

I am certain that all of us have considered about how we view mental illness. Maybe critically. Maybe with acceptance. Maybe not at all.

I have spent much time thinking about this. I come to an unfortunate and mostly negative conclusion. It took a long time to change my thinking. Too long.

I did not even accept that I had bipolar disorder. Not me I thought; I’ m not crazy. The doctors didn’t know what they were talking. Sure I had some problems but who doesn’t.

For many years I ignored the diagnosis. Before that I simply didn’t think about it or mental illness in general – except during the abnormal psychology course I took in university.

I know now that various forms of mental illness are deeply rooted in my family. When I was young I had didn’t know this. No one sought treatment. No one admitted what they were experiencing. In their defence during those years, any mental illness was a hushed subject within the family and hidden, as much as possible.

My life in the four years after being diagnosed slowly then quickly crumbled. At the end, nothing made sense. My behaviour became less and less controllable; my thinking less comprehensible.

Finally against my will I was hospitalized for two months. I wasn’t coherent by then and I have little memory of the first week and half. Gradually with medication and therapy I found myself again. In the hospital I received few visitors, no cards, no flowers. Gifts normal for someone hospitalized, reminders that people were thinking about them.

I slowly realized that I wasn’t my old self. I changed in ways that became apparent over time. Also I was treated differently by almost everyone, including my spouse.

Worse I adopted much of these attitudes. Essentially, I avoided myself. Avoided my disease. Avoided treatment until I flew or fell.

In the hospital again. Alone again.

Thankfully over the decade, I have accepted that I need ongoing medical treatment, that it is very likely I will take medication for the rest of my years. I have come to a kind of peace about living with bipolar disorder.

Not all the time. I get angry that I can’t live I once did, that I lost dreams that I had for the future, that I’m a different person. I also become sad, even feel despair, about the same things.

Now, most of all, I aspire to by a positive voice. I want to help put mental illness on the public agenda.

I want to be heard. I want to be understood

Lastly, I’m including links to a few Ted Talks I’ve found are worth watching.

Love and hope Terry.

http://www.ted.com/talks/elyn_saks_seeing_mental_illness.html

http://www.ted.com/talks/vikram_patel_mental_health_for_all_by_involving_all.html

http://www.ted.com/talks/ruby_wax_what_s_so_funny_about_mental_illness.html